Reflecting
on having been homeschooled from preschool to graduation and more
recently homeschooling my own children these past 10 years I am surprised
at the depth in which I am able to dive into in retrieving
memories from both experiences. Yes, time has a way of moving like
that. And with my first child now in Jr. High and last child
learning to read there is a mix of anticipation and desire to slow
time. I am intrigued at how the
past, in the form
of perspectives and
beliefs can be interwoven with
the present.
Our pasts shape us and
affect the way we live out our lives.
During my pondering and musings over this intermingling of my
homeschooling experiences, I've sieved out some takeaways on the
blessings I've been given and lessons I have learned as a second
generation homeschooler.
Blessings
-SUPPORT is hopefully
something all second generation homeschoolers will have from one
source or another. My husband and I both being second generation
homeschoolers we were blessed to have support from both sides of our
families of origin in our
decision to home educate. We never had to educate our families of
origin on the benefits of home education, the academic validity, the
social benefits etc. Support was there from the start.
-CONFIDENCE and joyful
anticipation at the start of our journey in home educating our own
children. Choosing a board, choosing curriculum, and being
successful at teaching my children did not fill me with uncertainty.
It wasn't as though I didn't question those things. Rather those
things were simply secondary and I knew they would work themselves
out. Some of my first-time homeschooling friends were struggling with
the weight of overwhelm and uncertainty. I hated to see my friends
stressing over their questions when I felt they should be enjoying
the early years of gentle explorations with their wee littles. I
wanted to calm their fears and douse my friends with encouragement. I
felt my words were effortlessly deflected and I was hurt and disappointed to have little influence on their perspectives. It took
me a while to learn that these friends needed to sort this out for
themselves and work their own way through the uncertainties.
-FAMILIARITY with what home
education can look like day to day, the available options and
resources, what a facilitator's role is and so on. Sure we second
generation homeschoolers need to figure this out for ourselves on a
deeper level in a way that makes sense for ourselves. But just think
of the overwhelm this could be to someone who is brand new to the
scene.
-UNDERSTANDING what your
child may be experiencing as a homeschooler may come more easily to
you having been there yourself. This understanding may better help
you anticipate how you can navigate your child's homeschooling
experience in ways that are beneficial to him.
Cautions:
-UNREALISTIC
SELF-EXPECTATIONS: No you don't have to have it all together just
because you were homeschooled yourself. Being homeschooled is not the
same thing as homeschooling. You're allowed to make mistakes, to ask
for help and to not have all the answers.
-YOU DON'T HAVE TO HOME
EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN. I don't like to say that but it is true. One year we sent our daughter to a Christian program operating
within a public school when I had never attended a public school as a
student myself. I'm sure they didn't know what planet I was from
with all the questions I asked the school staff! That didn't matter
to me. I needed to know a few things before I was going to plunk my
daughter in there.
I knew in my heart that
sending our daughter to school outside of the home would be a
one-year thing and I would never hold judgement over someone else for
not homeschooling. Yet, I struggled to be ok with myself. Having to
defend our decision to homeschool our own children to mere acquaintances and in my past having to defend myself as a child
being homeschooled -even if only quietly in my own mind, for my own
sake- made sending my daughter to public school now more difficult.
At the root of this inner turmoil was a strong "homeschooler"
identity. I felt like in sending my daughter to public school I was
selling out; I was a traitor. I feared judgement in the homeschool
community and concern over how my intentions may be perceived within
that community. But having my husband's support and accepting God's
peace for me we went ahead. And you know what?! We did just fine.
Yes, there were adjustments but it was a surprisingly smooth
transition not to mention a positive year for my daughter. With only
my two boys being homeschooled that year I was enabled to focus on my own continuing education as well as my boy's education while not neglecting my daughter's academic learning.
Loyalty to homeschooling and
operating from a homeschool identity should never come before doing
what is best for your whole family. Several times I was blown away to
see the values we had prayed for and worked to instill in our
daughter show up in unexpected ways during her year at school away
from home. My heart swelled with thankfulness as I listened to her
tell me the reasons she chose the friends she did. The friends she
brought into her inner circle were chosen for their character. Thank
you, Lord.
-TOUGH SKIN & SOFT HEART
-if you are a second generation homsechooler chances are you've had
to deal with a lot of skepticism, misunderstanding and plain old
ignorance concerning homeschooling. Most likely you dealt with that
much more so as a homeschooled child back (80's anyone?) then than you do as a
homeschooling parent today. Chances are that you've developed a tough
skin. Great. Is there still a soft heart in there? I learned early on
that you don't need the approval of others to be ok. However, for
those of us who are softies like me the trick is developing a tough
skin and KEEPING the soft heart we were given. Without that softness
being vulnerable enough to ask for help is difficult -and we all need
to ask for help at some point. It
is easy to take the
mentality of independence too far, becoming aloof.
"I don't need your approval" becomes
"I don't need you" and
if this is
applied
to everyone outside our tiny net of safety then
we have lost connection with the community around us.
Our children need to be able to be able to operate within a
community beyond their family and support groups. With a tough skin
and a soft heart we can demonstrate for them how that is done.